Dear Charlotte,
Just thought I'd drop a line or two, to prove I do write once in a while.
I think Teresa is coming up there this coming weekend.
I'm going to group therapy every Monday night and the head doctor has put me on a medication like you're taking (it's safe). I feel a lot better taking it. I don't have those weird mood changes. Kind of levels me out. He thinks I have a chemical imbalance of something. And I sure can see a difference. Been taking it right, too. (You couldn't get high if you took the whole thing!).
Hope you'll take Teresa to the health place so she can get her birth certificate (or get it from Jay). And she's so excited about her new car she's getting. I'm excited for her.
P.S. I've tried to call you several times. Line busy or no answer.
Love,
Mom
~~~
"You couldn't get high if you took the whole thing!" Which Mom did. The bottle was empty.
This is the last of anything Mom wrote to anyone. It is written on stationary with a little girl on the front wearing a bonnet, prairie dress and patchwork apron. It is raining and her umbrella has a patch sewn on it. The girl is pulling a small cart behind her filled with bread, vegetables and daisies. I imagine she'll eat the daisies, smoke the bread, and throw the vegetables at her enemies.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Conversations With the Dead: 6/24/82 Seabrook, Texas (Letter from Mom to Charlotte)
Charlotte & Mike,
Here's your picture of the "crew" and one of David.
We're going to get our blood test Saturday and will be married at 7:00 PM, 7th month, 7th day, at Bay Area Park, in the "Oriental Gardens". It'll just be family and maybe Sally and Dan.
Let me hear.
Love,
Mother
~~~
I can't remember if Charlotte came to the wedding. I'll find out but I'm guessing not.
Mom tossed the bouquet over her shoulder and it came in my direction. I let it fall into a small pond. No effort at all. Scotty gave me a disparaging look and said, "Teresa..." He was right. I should have made an attempt.
Here's your picture of the "crew" and one of David.
We're going to get our blood test Saturday and will be married at 7:00 PM, 7th month, 7th day, at Bay Area Park, in the "Oriental Gardens". It'll just be family and maybe Sally and Dan.
Let me hear.
Love,
Mother
~~~
I can't remember if Charlotte came to the wedding. I'll find out but I'm guessing not.
Mom tossed the bouquet over her shoulder and it came in my direction. I let it fall into a small pond. No effort at all. Scotty gave me a disparaging look and said, "Teresa..." He was right. I should have made an attempt.
Conversations With the Dead: 1982 Letter from Charlotte to Nanny
Dear Nanny & Wendy,
Here's school pictures of the kids. Thought you might like to have them. They really did a lousy job on L's. Not centered.
Got a letter from Teresa today, says everything is fine. Coming down for Christmas. Mother's mad because I want her a week and because Teresa wants to come down for a week including Christmas Eve. She says we're ganging up on her. She's so paranoid. Why can't we have normal parents like most kids?! Just the thought of her makes me mad.
Guess I'll go for now.
Love you,
Charlotte & Gang
~~~
I can't remember if I spent Christmas in Fort Worth with Charlotte or not. I probably did. Sadly it was our mother's last Christmas. Maybe she knew this somehow.
Here's school pictures of the kids. Thought you might like to have them. They really did a lousy job on L's. Not centered.
Got a letter from Teresa today, says everything is fine. Coming down for Christmas. Mother's mad because I want her a week and because Teresa wants to come down for a week including Christmas Eve. She says we're ganging up on her. She's so paranoid. Why can't we have normal parents like most kids?! Just the thought of her makes me mad.
Guess I'll go for now.
Love you,
Charlotte & Gang
~~~
I can't remember if I spent Christmas in Fort Worth with Charlotte or not. I probably did. Sadly it was our mother's last Christmas. Maybe she knew this somehow.
Conversations With the Dead: 4/19/82 Indio, California (from David)
Dear Mom,
How are you Im fine todays the 19th I got 27 days left until I get out Gonna be nice to see the world again really nice. Not much going on in here just eating sleeping and watching TV Thank you for the money and everything else Well not much to say be good
Love,
David
~~~
Dear Charlotte,
How are you. I'm fine today's the 19th I got 17 days left until I get out. Gonna be nice to see the world again really nice. I thought Id write mom and let you mail it to her OK. Not much going on in here just eating slepping and watching TV havent heard from you what happend mom hasent written eather well any way 27 days left really 25 because todays over and my realease day I go home at 5:30 in the morning so its Cool Well see ya
Love,
David
~~~
I don't usually get upset about the letters but these really hurt. Again, I typed them with their original mistakes. David dropped out of school in either ninth or tenth grade. He, Dad and Charlotte always struggled with spelling, but David was also dyslexic and along with the schizophrenia and medication or the lack thereof...
I don't know if he's writing from jail or a mental health ward. Could be either. I have nothing else from him.
We spent a few months together once I moved in with Mom in September, 1980 then I never saw him again.
They are buried side by side in Rosehill Cemetary, Fort Worth, Texas.
How are you Im fine todays the 19th I got 27 days left until I get out Gonna be nice to see the world again really nice. Not much going on in here just eating sleeping and watching TV Thank you for the money and everything else Well not much to say be good
Love,
David
~~~
Dear Charlotte,
How are you. I'm fine today's the 19th I got 17 days left until I get out. Gonna be nice to see the world again really nice. I thought Id write mom and let you mail it to her OK. Not much going on in here just eating slepping and watching TV havent heard from you what happend mom hasent written eather well any way 27 days left really 25 because todays over and my realease day I go home at 5:30 in the morning so its Cool Well see ya
Love,
David
~~~
I don't usually get upset about the letters but these really hurt. Again, I typed them with their original mistakes. David dropped out of school in either ninth or tenth grade. He, Dad and Charlotte always struggled with spelling, but David was also dyslexic and along with the schizophrenia and medication or the lack thereof...
I don't know if he's writing from jail or a mental health ward. Could be either. I have nothing else from him.
We spent a few months together once I moved in with Mom in September, 1980 then I never saw him again.
They are buried side by side in Rosehill Cemetary, Fort Worth, Texas.
Conversations With the Dead: 4/12/82 Indio, California (from David)
Dear Mom,
Hi Mom how are you I'm fine. Good to hear from you Say hi to Treasa and your Boy friend. Mom I dont even know how old you are. Well mom I spent about 2 years in the dessert and mountains living cooking it is nice water falls all kinds of animals really nice. up in Town I worked part time and later full time I found 2 gold Bracelets got $100 for each one Bought 2 Buckles and really had fun. Well got go By
Love,
David
~~~
I typed the letter as it was written in pencil, mistakes and all. He had just turned twenty-four. I don't know if he was taking his medication for Schizophrenia. Doubtful.
Two years in the dessert. He makes it sound like a vacation. I hope he was happy. I can't remember ever seeing him truly sad except when you and Dad divorced. That was the turning point in his mental health. He was never the same.
Hi Mom how are you I'm fine. Good to hear from you Say hi to Treasa and your Boy friend. Mom I dont even know how old you are. Well mom I spent about 2 years in the dessert and mountains living cooking it is nice water falls all kinds of animals really nice. up in Town I worked part time and later full time I found 2 gold Bracelets got $100 for each one Bought 2 Buckles and really had fun. Well got go By
Love,
David
~~~
I typed the letter as it was written in pencil, mistakes and all. He had just turned twenty-four. I don't know if he was taking his medication for Schizophrenia. Doubtful.
Two years in the dessert. He makes it sound like a vacation. I hope he was happy. I can't remember ever seeing him truly sad except when you and Dad divorced. That was the turning point in his mental health. He was never the same.
Conversations With the Dead: 8/13/80 Seabrook, Texas (1307 Bellgrove)
Dear Teresa,
You may still be gone with your girlfriend but thought I'd write anyway. Wanted to send you these pictures of Brandy. Red built her a scratching post with a wide top so she can have her food and water on it and the dogs can't get to it. It's got a hole in the top so she can get up there easily. She just loves it! And you won't believe this, but Charles and Puddin' both play with her now. In fact, Puddin' has gotten so playful lately. She just romps and plays with Charles all the time, and she never did that before. I think she's just calmed down a lot and decided she's "at home".
Scotty's doing real good. He finally told Liz that they'd have to break it off, and last weekend he and Bob went up to Lake Whitney for a NA & AA convention (a lot of young people go) and he really had a good time. He's been making a lot of meetings with Bob and it sure has helped him. His attitude is a lot better. Nancy and her mother were promoting this Liz thing but it didn't work. When you get time, why don't you write him? It would make him feel real good. Elizabeth's husband is going to fix my car and then Scotty wants to buy it from me because Red is going to get me one. Elizabeth goes on vacation in about a week, so I'll have it fixed by then. I've been using Bob's old truck when I need it.
Red got me a washer and dryer the other day. When I told him I went to the laundromat every week for seventeen years with Jay, he nearly croaked, and the next day, I had a washer and dryer! Isn't he something?
Sure thought we might be in trouble with hurricane Allen, but it missed us. Sure am glad too! Just get the house fixed up and have a hurricane!
Charlotte called me last week to talk to me about Nanny. Sure sounds to me like she had a stroke. Really worries me. so I called her and gave her my phone number. She was real nice. I'm going to work at it, and see if we can't get things "right" again. Maybe it's time. It would just kill me if anything happened to her and we still were on bad terms. Just not right.
What did everyone think of you taking a plane back? I bet Charlene thought you were "brave". What did Jan and Charlotte think? I can't wait until Christmas so you can come down. That will really be neat.
Well, guess this is all for now. Write when you can and fill me in. We all love you.
Love,
Mother, Red, Scotty, Puddin', Charles, Brandy & Sam
~~~
Brandy is my tortoiseshell Manx cat. One day Red will dip the dogs for fleas, then he will start to dip Brandy and I will question the safety of putting a small cat in dog dip. He'll look at me like I'm stupid and dip the cat anyway. Later that night she will wake me up with a paw on my arm, as if to let me know she is in some kind of trouble. She will hide under my bed and give birth. We hadn't known she was pregnant. The babies were stillborn.
Since the return address on this letter is Red's address and the only place you could possibly put a washer and dryer, he did not buy it for you, Mother. He bought it for you to wash his socks and underwear.
You're calling Dad "Jay", like you did when ya'll were married. I think this means that you are feeling the same security you felt with him now, that you see a long future ahead of you with Red. You hope you can make seventeen plus years with Red, too. You won't, despite choosing a 7/7 wedding date at 7:00 PM in 1982. I'm sad because I wanted you to be happy, but I never could imagine you with any other man as long as you were with Dad, and I knew Red didn't love you, despite what he would tell us later at Jack Rowe Funeral Home as Charlotte, not Red, foot the bill for your funeral.
Nanny is a little over a year away from her own death. She will call for you when it's time.
It is difficult to close this letter because it is the last from you. It's like saying goodbye again. It feels a bit like when I turned forty-six last year and we stopped sharing ages. I am traveling without you. These are years I never watched you live, ages you never made.
The next two posts will be letters from David to both you and Charlotte. There will be a letter from Charlotte to Nanny. The last two posts will be a note from you to Charlotte giving her the date/time of your wedding to Red, then a final letter to Charlotte, the last of your letters to anyone. You will tell her all about the "safe" medication Dr. Faust put you on to help you with mood swings. Seven months later the medication will prove itself "unsafe".
You may still be gone with your girlfriend but thought I'd write anyway. Wanted to send you these pictures of Brandy. Red built her a scratching post with a wide top so she can have her food and water on it and the dogs can't get to it. It's got a hole in the top so she can get up there easily. She just loves it! And you won't believe this, but Charles and Puddin' both play with her now. In fact, Puddin' has gotten so playful lately. She just romps and plays with Charles all the time, and she never did that before. I think she's just calmed down a lot and decided she's "at home".
Scotty's doing real good. He finally told Liz that they'd have to break it off, and last weekend he and Bob went up to Lake Whitney for a NA & AA convention (a lot of young people go) and he really had a good time. He's been making a lot of meetings with Bob and it sure has helped him. His attitude is a lot better. Nancy and her mother were promoting this Liz thing but it didn't work. When you get time, why don't you write him? It would make him feel real good. Elizabeth's husband is going to fix my car and then Scotty wants to buy it from me because Red is going to get me one. Elizabeth goes on vacation in about a week, so I'll have it fixed by then. I've been using Bob's old truck when I need it.
Red got me a washer and dryer the other day. When I told him I went to the laundromat every week for seventeen years with Jay, he nearly croaked, and the next day, I had a washer and dryer! Isn't he something?
Sure thought we might be in trouble with hurricane Allen, but it missed us. Sure am glad too! Just get the house fixed up and have a hurricane!
Charlotte called me last week to talk to me about Nanny. Sure sounds to me like she had a stroke. Really worries me. so I called her and gave her my phone number. She was real nice. I'm going to work at it, and see if we can't get things "right" again. Maybe it's time. It would just kill me if anything happened to her and we still were on bad terms. Just not right.
What did everyone think of you taking a plane back? I bet Charlene thought you were "brave". What did Jan and Charlotte think? I can't wait until Christmas so you can come down. That will really be neat.
Well, guess this is all for now. Write when you can and fill me in. We all love you.
Love,
Mother, Red, Scotty, Puddin', Charles, Brandy & Sam
~~~
Brandy is my tortoiseshell Manx cat. One day Red will dip the dogs for fleas, then he will start to dip Brandy and I will question the safety of putting a small cat in dog dip. He'll look at me like I'm stupid and dip the cat anyway. Later that night she will wake me up with a paw on my arm, as if to let me know she is in some kind of trouble. She will hide under my bed and give birth. We hadn't known she was pregnant. The babies were stillborn.
Since the return address on this letter is Red's address and the only place you could possibly put a washer and dryer, he did not buy it for you, Mother. He bought it for you to wash his socks and underwear.
You're calling Dad "Jay", like you did when ya'll were married. I think this means that you are feeling the same security you felt with him now, that you see a long future ahead of you with Red. You hope you can make seventeen plus years with Red, too. You won't, despite choosing a 7/7 wedding date at 7:00 PM in 1982. I'm sad because I wanted you to be happy, but I never could imagine you with any other man as long as you were with Dad, and I knew Red didn't love you, despite what he would tell us later at Jack Rowe Funeral Home as Charlotte, not Red, foot the bill for your funeral.
Nanny is a little over a year away from her own death. She will call for you when it's time.
It is difficult to close this letter because it is the last from you. It's like saying goodbye again. It feels a bit like when I turned forty-six last year and we stopped sharing ages. I am traveling without you. These are years I never watched you live, ages you never made.
The next two posts will be letters from David to both you and Charlotte. There will be a letter from Charlotte to Nanny. The last two posts will be a note from you to Charlotte giving her the date/time of your wedding to Red, then a final letter to Charlotte, the last of your letters to anyone. You will tell her all about the "safe" medication Dr. Faust put you on to help you with mood swings. Seven months later the medication will prove itself "unsafe".
Conversations With the Dead: 6/18/80 Seabrook, Texas (Nasa Rd I)
Dear Teresa,
Got your letter Saturday but been so busy, just now answering. Found me a dining room set for $50 (six chairs with it, too) so all I need now is a chair for the living room. And a TV. Doc's sister's TV went out so he gave her his and is keeping the one he got me. But I'll have one by the time you get here. He can get me one anytime.
I'm "babysitting" for Red's dog, Puddin'. She's a little Yorkshire Terrier and as cute as a bug. In fact, Charles is madly in love with her, but she won't give him the time of day! We gave both of them a bath the other night and I laughed my head off at Charles. Have you seen some birds do their courting dance? Well, Charles was acting like that and I nearly cracked up! I've never seen him act that way before. It was so cute.
I think I'm going to take off the Saturday I come and get you so I can leave early and get there in time to go to Carswell and pick up some stuff before they close. Everything's about half price there, including cigarettes. So I may be there about 10:00 AM. So be ready and we'll boogy!
Well honey, guess this is all for now. I'm washing and I need to go downstairs and put them in the dryer. (We have an elevator here so we don't have to use the stairs! We're on the 2nd floor). Be sweet and let me hear. And Red and Scotty both said Hi.
Love you gobs,
Mother
~~~
Oh goody, another man to tell me Hi.
Your description of the dogs' relationship reminds me of the dynamic between you and Red. Only you're the needy Mr. Charles, and Red is the aloof (in time) Puddin'. I wish it weren't so.
You won't write to me again from this address. So much for independence. So much for being on the right track.
Got your letter Saturday but been so busy, just now answering. Found me a dining room set for $50 (six chairs with it, too) so all I need now is a chair for the living room. And a TV. Doc's sister's TV went out so he gave her his and is keeping the one he got me. But I'll have one by the time you get here. He can get me one anytime.
I'm "babysitting" for Red's dog, Puddin'. She's a little Yorkshire Terrier and as cute as a bug. In fact, Charles is madly in love with her, but she won't give him the time of day! We gave both of them a bath the other night and I laughed my head off at Charles. Have you seen some birds do their courting dance? Well, Charles was acting like that and I nearly cracked up! I've never seen him act that way before. It was so cute.
I think I'm going to take off the Saturday I come and get you so I can leave early and get there in time to go to Carswell and pick up some stuff before they close. Everything's about half price there, including cigarettes. So I may be there about 10:00 AM. So be ready and we'll boogy!
Well honey, guess this is all for now. I'm washing and I need to go downstairs and put them in the dryer. (We have an elevator here so we don't have to use the stairs! We're on the 2nd floor). Be sweet and let me hear. And Red and Scotty both said Hi.
Love you gobs,
Mother
~~~
Oh goody, another man to tell me Hi.
Your description of the dogs' relationship reminds me of the dynamic between you and Red. Only you're the needy Mr. Charles, and Red is the aloof (in time) Puddin'. I wish it weren't so.
You won't write to me again from this address. So much for independence. So much for being on the right track.
Conversations With the Dead: 6/11/80 Seabrook, Texas (Nasa Rd I)
Dear Teresa,
Well, I finally got moved in! Can't believe it. Still don't have a dining room set or a chair for the living room but I'll have them before you get here. Need a lot of little odds and ends too, that I'll get slowly but surely. It'll be fun fixing it like I want it. Red and Scotty (his son) moved me, poor guys. I'm on the second floor so they had fun!
I think I moved three blocks from work just in time. The old gray goose is acting strange and there's no way I can afford any work done on it right now. But the grocery store and everything is within walking distance thank goodness. I think it's brake shoes or something to do with the brakes.
Mr. Charles doesn't know what to think. And he's so spoiled after being at Sally's and having someone around all the time. I don't know what I'm going to do with him. He throws a fit every time I leave.
How's Granny doing now? She may end up moving in with you all if she gets too bad.
Well honey, guess this is all my news. Just wanted you to know I got moved in and give you the address. Since I don't have a phone now, if you ever need to call me, call me at work anytime between 1:00 PM and 6:00 PM during the week, and from 10:00 AM to 2:00 PM on Saturdays.
Write me soon and I love you gobs!
Love,
Mother
~~~
Dad will put Granny in a home soon. She will live outlive you by almost a decade. You were right.
Well, I finally got moved in! Can't believe it. Still don't have a dining room set or a chair for the living room but I'll have them before you get here. Need a lot of little odds and ends too, that I'll get slowly but surely. It'll be fun fixing it like I want it. Red and Scotty (his son) moved me, poor guys. I'm on the second floor so they had fun!
I think I moved three blocks from work just in time. The old gray goose is acting strange and there's no way I can afford any work done on it right now. But the grocery store and everything is within walking distance thank goodness. I think it's brake shoes or something to do with the brakes.
Mr. Charles doesn't know what to think. And he's so spoiled after being at Sally's and having someone around all the time. I don't know what I'm going to do with him. He throws a fit every time I leave.
How's Granny doing now? She may end up moving in with you all if she gets too bad.
Well honey, guess this is all my news. Just wanted you to know I got moved in and give you the address. Since I don't have a phone now, if you ever need to call me, call me at work anytime between 1:00 PM and 6:00 PM during the week, and from 10:00 AM to 2:00 PM on Saturdays.
Write me soon and I love you gobs!
Love,
Mother
~~~
Dad will put Granny in a home soon. She will live outlive you by almost a decade. You were right.
Conversations With the Dead: 6/5/80 Seabrook, Texas
Dear Teresa,
Got your letter and I'm real glad Charlene said Yes to the dates. I'm real excited about it too. Just three more days until I can move in. I have all my furniture except for a dining room set and a living room chair, but I can get them next. And there will be a lot of little things you can help me pick out after you get here. So hang in there. It's just three weeks until you can come.
I hate to hear that about Granny. But honey, don't feel too bad towards your dad. The truth is, at this point, he's doing good to even take care of himself much less anyone else.
You remember me telling you about a guy I've dated named Red? (That's 'cause he's redheaded!). Well, he's got an eighteen year old son that's come to live with him for a while from Miami. His name is Scotty and he's redheaded too! He's not a bad looking kid, but his hair's too durn long. Red's about as ugly on the outside as anyone can get, but he sure is a nice, sensitive guy. And he loves animals. His folks used to raise dogs and he said he was so used to always sleeping with a dog that when he went into the service and they started issuing him his uniforms and all, he kept waiting for them to issue him his dog! he's a real cut-up. You'll like him.
I've been sick for over a week now with a real bad cold. I sure have felt bad. But I haven't missed any work. Can't afford to! I really do like my job, too, and my boss. You'll like her. Her name's Elizabeth. I can hardly wait till you get here. We'll go down to Galveston and go through the Bishop's Palace and to the beach and to Astroworld. And we can go through Johnson Space Center. We'll find plenty to do.
Well, guess this is all for now. Be sweet and let me hear.
I love you gobs!
Love,
Mother
~~~
Lots of exclamation points in this letter. This is the last one from Sally and Dan's house. There will only be two letters sent from the new apartment preceding my visit.
Then there will be one more letter to me after that. It will be mailed from Red's address which will be your last.
Got your letter and I'm real glad Charlene said Yes to the dates. I'm real excited about it too. Just three more days until I can move in. I have all my furniture except for a dining room set and a living room chair, but I can get them next. And there will be a lot of little things you can help me pick out after you get here. So hang in there. It's just three weeks until you can come.
I hate to hear that about Granny. But honey, don't feel too bad towards your dad. The truth is, at this point, he's doing good to even take care of himself much less anyone else.
You remember me telling you about a guy I've dated named Red? (That's 'cause he's redheaded!). Well, he's got an eighteen year old son that's come to live with him for a while from Miami. His name is Scotty and he's redheaded too! He's not a bad looking kid, but his hair's too durn long. Red's about as ugly on the outside as anyone can get, but he sure is a nice, sensitive guy. And he loves animals. His folks used to raise dogs and he said he was so used to always sleeping with a dog that when he went into the service and they started issuing him his uniforms and all, he kept waiting for them to issue him his dog! he's a real cut-up. You'll like him.
I've been sick for over a week now with a real bad cold. I sure have felt bad. But I haven't missed any work. Can't afford to! I really do like my job, too, and my boss. You'll like her. Her name's Elizabeth. I can hardly wait till you get here. We'll go down to Galveston and go through the Bishop's Palace and to the beach and to Astroworld. And we can go through Johnson Space Center. We'll find plenty to do.
Well, guess this is all for now. Be sweet and let me hear.
I love you gobs!
Love,
Mother
~~~
Lots of exclamation points in this letter. This is the last one from Sally and Dan's house. There will only be two letters sent from the new apartment preceding my visit.
Then there will be one more letter to me after that. It will be mailed from Red's address which will be your last.
Conversations With the Dead: 5/27/80 Seabrook, Texas
Dear Teresa,
Got your letter and I figured you were busy finishing up at school. Won't be but a few days till you'll be through.
I've got all my furniture (it's all paid for too!) except for dining room chairs and a living room chair but I'll have those by the time you come down. But I need a part for my record player and I may not have it yet when you get here, so go ahead and bring your stereo. And your records. I don't have any yet. But if you ever run across a record called "Green Onions" by Floyd Cramer, or an album with it on it, grab it! I'll pay you back. I've been trying to find it forever.
Got twelve more days before I can move into the apartment. I know a guy named Red that's going to help me move. You'll probably meet him while you're here. He's ugly as a mud fence, but just as nice as he can be. Kind of nice like Phil. But we're just good friends. I don't want any "he" for a long time. But he takes me out to eat oysters and to meetings.
Have you ever been to Astroworld? I want us to go while you're here. And to the beach in Galveston. I can hardly wait.
Well, guess that's all for now. I'm going to spend this Friday night at Toni's and babysit the girls for Micki (she's manager like I was) so she can go to her daughter's graduation in Arizona. So write me when you can and maybe while you're here you and I can have a picture made at Olan Mills. Love you a bunch.
Love,
Mother
~~~
Well here we go again. Red. Another AA guy. The fact that you mention him at all in this letter then elaborate is bad. Bad.
You may not realize it yet, but Red is not nice like Phil. He's a completely different animal. And though you call him your friend he will, in the end, be your worst enemy. He will be your ending.
And that question you asked about who you love most? The answer was Red. The man who will soon marry you "out of pity". Then leave you in the dust.
Got your letter and I figured you were busy finishing up at school. Won't be but a few days till you'll be through.
I've got all my furniture (it's all paid for too!) except for dining room chairs and a living room chair but I'll have those by the time you come down. But I need a part for my record player and I may not have it yet when you get here, so go ahead and bring your stereo. And your records. I don't have any yet. But if you ever run across a record called "Green Onions" by Floyd Cramer, or an album with it on it, grab it! I'll pay you back. I've been trying to find it forever.
Got twelve more days before I can move into the apartment. I know a guy named Red that's going to help me move. You'll probably meet him while you're here. He's ugly as a mud fence, but just as nice as he can be. Kind of nice like Phil. But we're just good friends. I don't want any "he" for a long time. But he takes me out to eat oysters and to meetings.
Have you ever been to Astroworld? I want us to go while you're here. And to the beach in Galveston. I can hardly wait.
Well, guess that's all for now. I'm going to spend this Friday night at Toni's and babysit the girls for Micki (she's manager like I was) so she can go to her daughter's graduation in Arizona. So write me when you can and maybe while you're here you and I can have a picture made at Olan Mills. Love you a bunch.
Love,
Mother
~~~
Well here we go again. Red. Another AA guy. The fact that you mention him at all in this letter then elaborate is bad. Bad.
You may not realize it yet, but Red is not nice like Phil. He's a completely different animal. And though you call him your friend he will, in the end, be your worst enemy. He will be your ending.
And that question you asked about who you love most? The answer was Red. The man who will soon marry you "out of pity". Then leave you in the dust.
Conversations With the Dead: 5/17/80 Seabrook, Texas
Dear Teresa,
Don't know what I'm going to do with you, Bug, if you don't start writing me. It's been two weeks since I wrote you last and I haven't heard a word. How come?
I've been busy since I got back, trying to get some furniture bought. I got a black and white TV, a stereo, two end tables, a coffee table and a bedroom suite. Not bad, huh? All I need now is a dinette set, a couch and chair.
Of course I'll need odds and ends like lamps and stuff, but I should have all of it by the time you get here. And it'll all be paid for and mine, that's the good part. No payments every month. I got some real bargains, too. What I don't have when you get here you can help me pick out. That'll be fun. I've got three more weeks before I get to move in. I can hardly wait. Sally's kids are about to drive me nuts! They're so spoiled. Just brats, period. But it won't be long now. That's about the time you get out of school, isn't it?
Well, guess that's really all my news for now. Just working and going to meetings and getting things ready to move. Please write soon and let me know how you are, okay?
Love,
Mother
~~~
It doesn't feel like you need me as a daughter as much as a friend. Now the tables are turned and you are the one hurting to be closer. There's no man in your life to distract you.
In a few years you will list questions in a spiral notebook regarding how you've lived your life, what your dreams are, who and what are most important. One of the questions will be: Who do I love most?
The answer won't be me. The answer won't be any of your children.
Don't know what I'm going to do with you, Bug, if you don't start writing me. It's been two weeks since I wrote you last and I haven't heard a word. How come?
I've been busy since I got back, trying to get some furniture bought. I got a black and white TV, a stereo, two end tables, a coffee table and a bedroom suite. Not bad, huh? All I need now is a dinette set, a couch and chair.
Of course I'll need odds and ends like lamps and stuff, but I should have all of it by the time you get here. And it'll all be paid for and mine, that's the good part. No payments every month. I got some real bargains, too. What I don't have when you get here you can help me pick out. That'll be fun. I've got three more weeks before I get to move in. I can hardly wait. Sally's kids are about to drive me nuts! They're so spoiled. Just brats, period. But it won't be long now. That's about the time you get out of school, isn't it?
Well, guess that's really all my news for now. Just working and going to meetings and getting things ready to move. Please write soon and let me know how you are, okay?
Love,
Mother
~~~
It doesn't feel like you need me as a daughter as much as a friend. Now the tables are turned and you are the one hurting to be closer. There's no man in your life to distract you.
In a few years you will list questions in a spiral notebook regarding how you've lived your life, what your dreams are, who and what are most important. One of the questions will be: Who do I love most?
The answer won't be me. The answer won't be any of your children.
Conversations With the Dead: 5/8/80 Seabrook, Texas
Dear Teresa,
Well, made it safe and sound with no car trouble. Went back and got my car, got a motel room and left the next morning. Real proud of the "ole gray goose".
Paid down on my apartment Monday and I can move in June 7th. It's the one three blocks from my job. I think I'm going to be able to have all my furniture bought and paid for by the time I move in. And I'll have three or four more weeks to get it all ready before you get here. It sure will be nice. I can hardly wait to move it.
Took a picture of Charles tonight to send you. I thought I'd sent you one. His hair still will grow more, about two or three more inches. And it'll grow down over his eyes.
My boss is real nice. She gave me a vacuum cleaner today. And when I get my furniture, her daughter's boyfriend is going to move it for me.
Well, guess that's all my news. I bought some pyrex cookware today. Trying to slowly get all I'll need for the apartment together. Write me when you can and be sweet.
Love,
Mother
~~~
I don't know where you traveled to in the Ole Gray Goose, maybe to see me? I remember that car well.
I am happy to read of your excitement about the new apartment, but I feel sad that Salvation Army is your version of "nice". After Dad, you would never own a new car or house. Your clothes would usually come from garage sales, discount stores or resale shops like Baubles & Beads and Nearly New. I guess it doesn't matter as long as you were happy, but it makes me wonder if you set the bar way too low in every area of your life. What did you believe you deserved? Not nearly enough.
Well, made it safe and sound with no car trouble. Went back and got my car, got a motel room and left the next morning. Real proud of the "ole gray goose".
Paid down on my apartment Monday and I can move in June 7th. It's the one three blocks from my job. I think I'm going to be able to have all my furniture bought and paid for by the time I move in. And I'll have three or four more weeks to get it all ready before you get here. It sure will be nice. I can hardly wait to move it.
Took a picture of Charles tonight to send you. I thought I'd sent you one. His hair still will grow more, about two or three more inches. And it'll grow down over his eyes.
My boss is real nice. She gave me a vacuum cleaner today. And when I get my furniture, her daughter's boyfriend is going to move it for me.
Well, guess that's all my news. I bought some pyrex cookware today. Trying to slowly get all I'll need for the apartment together. Write me when you can and be sweet.
Love,
Mother
~~~
I don't know where you traveled to in the Ole Gray Goose, maybe to see me? I remember that car well.
I am happy to read of your excitement about the new apartment, but I feel sad that Salvation Army is your version of "nice". After Dad, you would never own a new car or house. Your clothes would usually come from garage sales, discount stores or resale shops like Baubles & Beads and Nearly New. I guess it doesn't matter as long as you were happy, but it makes me wonder if you set the bar way too low in every area of your life. What did you believe you deserved? Not nearly enough.
Conversations With the Dead: 4/11/80 Seabrook, Texas
Dear Teresa,
Just had to drop you a quick line to tell you the news. I got a new job and it's a whole lot better! It's at Pilgrim cleaners and I work in the front, tagging the clothes brought in, getting clothes for people, etc. It pays $3.50/hr and it's not hard work at all. I get off at 6:00 PM and Elizabeth (the boss) said that while you're here in July you can come to work with my anytime you want to. I work half a day on Saturday, but while you're here I won't have to.
We have a TV and radio there for when it's slow, so you wouldn't just be staring at the walls, and it'd just be you and me there except from 4:00 PM to 6:00 PM, when she'd be there. Summer months are kind of slow for cleaners, so it'll be a good time to learn my job. I'm real tickled about it.
And Elizabeth is real nice. I had talked to her a few weeks ago about it and she didn't need anyone right then, but said she'd call if she did. And I'm glad, because it was getting slow where I worked and I wasn't making as much in tips. So it worked out just perfect. Just about the time I was going to quit that other job, she called and wanted me to go to work. So you won't have to be by yourself at night.
Well honey, that's all really. Just wanted you to know the good news. Let me hear and be sweet.
Love,
Mother
~~~
I still remember the smell of dry cleaning solvent.
Just had to drop you a quick line to tell you the news. I got a new job and it's a whole lot better! It's at Pilgrim cleaners and I work in the front, tagging the clothes brought in, getting clothes for people, etc. It pays $3.50/hr and it's not hard work at all. I get off at 6:00 PM and Elizabeth (the boss) said that while you're here in July you can come to work with my anytime you want to. I work half a day on Saturday, but while you're here I won't have to.
We have a TV and radio there for when it's slow, so you wouldn't just be staring at the walls, and it'd just be you and me there except from 4:00 PM to 6:00 PM, when she'd be there. Summer months are kind of slow for cleaners, so it'll be a good time to learn my job. I'm real tickled about it.
And Elizabeth is real nice. I had talked to her a few weeks ago about it and she didn't need anyone right then, but said she'd call if she did. And I'm glad, because it was getting slow where I worked and I wasn't making as much in tips. So it worked out just perfect. Just about the time I was going to quit that other job, she called and wanted me to go to work. So you won't have to be by yourself at night.
Well honey, that's all really. Just wanted you to know the good news. Let me hear and be sweet.
Love,
Mother
~~~
I still remember the smell of dry cleaning solvent.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Conversations With the Dead: April 4, 1980, Seabrook, Texas
Dear Teresa,
Got your letter and really, I'm glad Feisty is out of his misery. It's really cruel to let a dog live like that.
I took Charlie to the vet and he's fine except for allergies (like his momma, I guess!).
I'll get to move into my apartment June 1st so I'll be all set up by the time you come down. It's an all adult complex and it's next to a lake. It has a pool so we'll both get us a suntan. (They consider a 15 year old an adult). So I'll drive up and get you July 1st 'cause I'll be off that day, and the next. So be ready! I hope to buy my own furniture too.
I got my contact lenses and I sure do like them. I tried to wear them back in '59 but they make them a lot better now.
I've started going to the Catholic church again. I went to mass Easter, and even bought me an Easter dress! I'm so grateful that everything is going like it is. God's been good to me.
Have you ever written David? I haven't heard anymore from him. Don't know if he's still there or not. Let me know if you hear.
I'm going on a diet this week. Sally lost fifteen pounds in one month! I'm going to start going to the spa with her, and work out, too. I gained too much weight at Toni's.
Well honey, guess this is all for now. Be sweet and let me hear. This picture was taken one night when I went over to a friend's house for hamburgers.
Love you gobs!
Mother
~~~
Feisty was Granny's Chihuahua. He was 21 years old. Poor thing was going blind, had arthritis. We laughed about it, saying Granny was so obsessed with that dog she probably put him in a bag and kept his corpse under her bed. In his last few years he was anything but feisty.
The Catholic church you're attending is St. Paul in Nassau Bay. I will be confirmed there in 2003. So will your first two grandchildren not long after me. I will attend one service there with you, a Christmas Eve midnight mass. Back then I had nothing against the religion. Times change.
David is most likely in a commune or living in the streets. The only letters I have from him are dated 1982.
The photo of you with friends was lost I guess. I can't find it anywhere.
Got your letter and really, I'm glad Feisty is out of his misery. It's really cruel to let a dog live like that.
I took Charlie to the vet and he's fine except for allergies (like his momma, I guess!).
I'll get to move into my apartment June 1st so I'll be all set up by the time you come down. It's an all adult complex and it's next to a lake. It has a pool so we'll both get us a suntan. (They consider a 15 year old an adult). So I'll drive up and get you July 1st 'cause I'll be off that day, and the next. So be ready! I hope to buy my own furniture too.
I got my contact lenses and I sure do like them. I tried to wear them back in '59 but they make them a lot better now.
I've started going to the Catholic church again. I went to mass Easter, and even bought me an Easter dress! I'm so grateful that everything is going like it is. God's been good to me.
Have you ever written David? I haven't heard anymore from him. Don't know if he's still there or not. Let me know if you hear.
I'm going on a diet this week. Sally lost fifteen pounds in one month! I'm going to start going to the spa with her, and work out, too. I gained too much weight at Toni's.
Well honey, guess this is all for now. Be sweet and let me hear. This picture was taken one night when I went over to a friend's house for hamburgers.
Love you gobs!
Mother
~~~
Feisty was Granny's Chihuahua. He was 21 years old. Poor thing was going blind, had arthritis. We laughed about it, saying Granny was so obsessed with that dog she probably put him in a bag and kept his corpse under her bed. In his last few years he was anything but feisty.
The Catholic church you're attending is St. Paul in Nassau Bay. I will be confirmed there in 2003. So will your first two grandchildren not long after me. I will attend one service there with you, a Christmas Eve midnight mass. Back then I had nothing against the religion. Times change.
David is most likely in a commune or living in the streets. The only letters I have from him are dated 1982.
The photo of you with friends was lost I guess. I can't find it anywhere.
Conversations With the Dead: 5/24/80 Seabrook, Texas
Dear Charlene & Pat,
Hope you don't mind my weird paper. I'm at work and it was all I could find handy. I guess Teresa told you I'm working at a cleaners, and it's slow today because it's Memorial Day weekend. but that's okay with me.
I needed to ask you all a favor, about Teresa staying with me for the month of July. Because of getting my apartment and my furniture, I need to work all the hours I can, and I work on Saturday from 10:00 AM to 2:00 PM (While she's here, I won't work Saturdays). So in order not to have to take off work to come and get her, and not to be coming up t here over the July 4th weekend, could I come get her Saturday June 28th after I get off work? Then I could bring her back either Saturday July 26th or August 2nd, whichever is agreeable to you. It would really be nice if she could stay until August 2nd though, because I'd have my VA check then for the trip back up there (Hate to travel without a little extra money). So whatever you all say just let me know.
I have all my furniture now (and paid for! So glad I didn't rent it like I started to and have those payments), except for dining room chairs and a living room chair. Even got a TV. I'll be moving in June 7th so I'll be all settled when Teresa comes down. I just work three blocks from the apartment and since I won't have a phone for a while, I can give you my work number. I work from 1:00 - 6:00 pm weekdays, and 10:00 AM - 2:00 PM on Saturday. But like I said, I won't work Saturday while she's here.
Well, guess that's all for now. Write back and let me know what's agreeable.
Love,
Rogene
~~~
It must feel awful to have to negotiate time with your own child. You're Charlene's aunt. You're forty-two to her thirty-something. But you're probably so thrilled to be so close to independence and freedom that you aren't focusing on the little aggravations. I wouldn't be either.
Hope you don't mind my weird paper. I'm at work and it was all I could find handy. I guess Teresa told you I'm working at a cleaners, and it's slow today because it's Memorial Day weekend. but that's okay with me.
I needed to ask you all a favor, about Teresa staying with me for the month of July. Because of getting my apartment and my furniture, I need to work all the hours I can, and I work on Saturday from 10:00 AM to 2:00 PM (While she's here, I won't work Saturdays). So in order not to have to take off work to come and get her, and not to be coming up t here over the July 4th weekend, could I come get her Saturday June 28th after I get off work? Then I could bring her back either Saturday July 26th or August 2nd, whichever is agreeable to you. It would really be nice if she could stay until August 2nd though, because I'd have my VA check then for the trip back up there (Hate to travel without a little extra money). So whatever you all say just let me know.
I have all my furniture now (and paid for! So glad I didn't rent it like I started to and have those payments), except for dining room chairs and a living room chair. Even got a TV. I'll be moving in June 7th so I'll be all settled when Teresa comes down. I just work three blocks from the apartment and since I won't have a phone for a while, I can give you my work number. I work from 1:00 - 6:00 pm weekdays, and 10:00 AM - 2:00 PM on Saturday. But like I said, I won't work Saturday while she's here.
Well, guess that's all for now. Write back and let me know what's agreeable.
Love,
Rogene
~~~
It must feel awful to have to negotiate time with your own child. You're Charlene's aunt. You're forty-two to her thirty-something. But you're probably so thrilled to be so close to independence and freedom that you aren't focusing on the little aggravations. I wouldn't be either.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Conversations With the Dead: 3/28/80, Seabrook, Texas
Thursday
Dear Teresa,
Got your other letter finally. And I got the first one you wrote Tuesday night when I went to Toni's for a meeting. I'd put in a change of address card, but it still went there for some reason.
Honey, it's okay about you not wanting to come down, not remembering Sally and them, and not having traveled by yourself before. I just wish you'd told me that's what it was, because I would have understood. Remember how I told you I felt because we were always around someone else when we were together? I wouldn't have gotten half as upset if I'd known that was how you felt. So it's okay. Don't worry about it. It'll be better in July. And I'll have a phone by then, so there won't be any problem about me working nights. If you need me, all you'll have to do is pick up the phone. It'll all work out. I may even take a few days off, if I can. Play sick or something. I'm really looking forward to it. And I'll drive up and get you, and take you home. Okay? Mr. Charles will be glad to see you, too. You'll love him to death. He's so sweet and loving. And I hope I can get an apartment where there's a pool so you can go swimming when you want to.
Well, guess this is all for now. I can't believe Charlotte has done it again! I think she's nuts. So be sweet, and I love you gobs too.
Love,
Mother
~~~
Charlotte must be pregnant again, and she will do it once more after this baby is born which will make four. She is only twenty-three.
You will find a job at a Pilgrims cleaners and will move into an apartment complex about a block away. There will be a pool with a view of Galveston Bay. About thirty-one years into the future, your grandson (my second child) whom you will never meet, will move into these same apartments, renamed Encore. His name is Justin and he will turn twenty-two next week. He will have a degree in music this time next year. He writes songs and plays guitar, loves to fish, makes me laugh. You would love him. He would love you.
A part of me is glad my four children never knew you because they were spared the pain of losing you, of watching you self-destruct. But I wish you could see them, be as proud of them as I am. My little Victoria turned six last month. She wishes she had a grandmother. She asks me how you died. I tell her what I told my older two when they were little, that you took too many vitamins, then that you didn't take care of yourself. This must confuse her somewhat. When she is older I will explain suicide and she will read these letters to get to know you.
This letter is dated 3/28. Your youngest grandchild's birthday. He turned four this year. He is autistic. I can't decide how this would make you feel, what you would say to me as a comfort or if you would view Julian as a gift for having a unique perception of the world. His circumstances are both heartbreaking and breathtaking. Depends on the day, on my strength. But always I am crazy in love with him, the center of his universe, just as you were the center of mine.
Dear Teresa,
Got your other letter finally. And I got the first one you wrote Tuesday night when I went to Toni's for a meeting. I'd put in a change of address card, but it still went there for some reason.
Honey, it's okay about you not wanting to come down, not remembering Sally and them, and not having traveled by yourself before. I just wish you'd told me that's what it was, because I would have understood. Remember how I told you I felt because we were always around someone else when we were together? I wouldn't have gotten half as upset if I'd known that was how you felt. So it's okay. Don't worry about it. It'll be better in July. And I'll have a phone by then, so there won't be any problem about me working nights. If you need me, all you'll have to do is pick up the phone. It'll all work out. I may even take a few days off, if I can. Play sick or something. I'm really looking forward to it. And I'll drive up and get you, and take you home. Okay? Mr. Charles will be glad to see you, too. You'll love him to death. He's so sweet and loving. And I hope I can get an apartment where there's a pool so you can go swimming when you want to.
Well, guess this is all for now. I can't believe Charlotte has done it again! I think she's nuts. So be sweet, and I love you gobs too.
Love,
Mother
~~~
Charlotte must be pregnant again, and she will do it once more after this baby is born which will make four. She is only twenty-three.
You will find a job at a Pilgrims cleaners and will move into an apartment complex about a block away. There will be a pool with a view of Galveston Bay. About thirty-one years into the future, your grandson (my second child) whom you will never meet, will move into these same apartments, renamed Encore. His name is Justin and he will turn twenty-two next week. He will have a degree in music this time next year. He writes songs and plays guitar, loves to fish, makes me laugh. You would love him. He would love you.
A part of me is glad my four children never knew you because they were spared the pain of losing you, of watching you self-destruct. But I wish you could see them, be as proud of them as I am. My little Victoria turned six last month. She wishes she had a grandmother. She asks me how you died. I tell her what I told my older two when they were little, that you took too many vitamins, then that you didn't take care of yourself. This must confuse her somewhat. When she is older I will explain suicide and she will read these letters to get to know you.
This letter is dated 3/28. Your youngest grandchild's birthday. He turned four this year. He is autistic. I can't decide how this would make you feel, what you would say to me as a comfort or if you would view Julian as a gift for having a unique perception of the world. His circumstances are both heartbreaking and breathtaking. Depends on the day, on my strength. But always I am crazy in love with him, the center of his universe, just as you were the center of mine.
Conversations With the Dead: 3/15/80 Seabrook, Texas
Tuesday
Dear Teresa,
Well, I got moved into Sally's and I've been out job hunting today. I probably will find one this week. I've got my own room here at Sally's and I've got it fixed with my whatnots, etc. Mr. Charles likes it here too. They have two little puppies, but they stay outside all the time and in the garage at night. I've got all the rest of my stuff stored in the garage.
When do you get out for Easter and for how long? A round trip ticket costs $48 if you come and go back after 7:30 PM (That's with Southwest Airlines. They'll have to take you to Dallas Love Field to get that flight. And you'll come in here at Hobby Airport). When I find out when you can come, I'll get the exact time you leave, and let you know, and send you the money. It'd be best if you had Charlene call and make a reservation for you, a few days before you come. It just takes 50 minutes to get here. It'll be a new experience for you. And I'll be at the airport to pick you up. Let me know when you can come, as soon as you can. If you want, you can call me some night, and let me know. Sally's number is (713)--------. And her address is ---------. Let me know soon.
Have you heard from David or have you written him? I sent him a birthday card, but I haven't gotten a letter.
Well honey, that's all my news. Let me hear something soon. I love you.
Love,
Mother
~~~
Reading this, I have a horrible feeling you won't be there when I land.
Dear Teresa,
Well, I got moved into Sally's and I've been out job hunting today. I probably will find one this week. I've got my own room here at Sally's and I've got it fixed with my whatnots, etc. Mr. Charles likes it here too. They have two little puppies, but they stay outside all the time and in the garage at night. I've got all the rest of my stuff stored in the garage.
When do you get out for Easter and for how long? A round trip ticket costs $48 if you come and go back after 7:30 PM (That's with Southwest Airlines. They'll have to take you to Dallas Love Field to get that flight. And you'll come in here at Hobby Airport). When I find out when you can come, I'll get the exact time you leave, and let you know, and send you the money. It'd be best if you had Charlene call and make a reservation for you, a few days before you come. It just takes 50 minutes to get here. It'll be a new experience for you. And I'll be at the airport to pick you up. Let me know when you can come, as soon as you can. If you want, you can call me some night, and let me know. Sally's number is (713)--------. And her address is ---------. Let me know soon.
Have you heard from David or have you written him? I sent him a birthday card, but I haven't gotten a letter.
Well honey, that's all my news. Let me hear something soon. I love you.
Love,
Mother
~~~
Reading this, I have a horrible feeling you won't be there when I land.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Conversations With the Dead: 2/18/80 & 2/25/80, Houston, Texas
Sunday
Dear Teresa,
Hadn't heard from you in a while, and I couldn't remember if I answered your last letter or not. I think I did, but I'm not sure. I usually try to do it as soon as I get yours. Anyway, I did write to David and got a letter back this past week. I'm so glad he answered, and that he hadn't left yet. From the way it sounds, he may stay there a while. I hope so. It sounds like a religious household which is what Sally and Dan were doing when I stayed with them years ago. A bunch of Christians (or several) live together and put all their earnings together to run the household. And there's a man who is head of the house and makes all the decisions. It is Biblical, and the Church of the Redeemer does it here in Houston on a lot bigger scale. They have a bunch of different households. They live like one big family. So maybe this is how God is answering my prayers for David because I've been praying that God would lead him to someone who could guide and direct him. So I for one am glad he's there. It will help him to make it later on. David's a whole lot like me, in that he's always had a big spiritual need, and yet he never could do anything halfway. He had to be all bad, or all good. He couldn't be a hypocrite. Which is good in a way. He'll find his balance some day.
I've really been sick this past week. That's why my writing is so bad. I've had a horrible cold and it's going down in my chest. Sally's mother is visiting her from Dallas so I couldn't go out there this weekend, so I just got me a motel room, so I could rest and have a little peace and quiet. I've been at the house for four months now and I really need the quiet. It's nice to go out to Sally's, but she does have three teenagers and a six year old and it's not ever quiet. So it's worth the money. I got me a bucket of chicken, and brought my books, and I'm just lying around reading and watching TV. I just hope I feel better next week.
Well, I've got Charlie now, and I'm going to keep him. Phil's drinking again and the people where he was staying made him leave, so he and Charlie had been living in the truck. So he called me one night last week, and he'd driven the durn truck off into a bayou, and the wrecker driver said if he'd gone 100 feet more he'd of drowned for sure. Anyway, they had Charlie in the truck when they towed it off, so I called them and asked them to keep him for me until the next morning. Then I went and got him and Toni is letting me keep him at the house. He's housebroken, and he stays up in my room during the day. But the poor little thing's hair was all matted up and so pitiful looking, so I took him and got him clipped. But Phil's still drunk and hasn't even missed the dog, and since he seems determined to kill himself, I'm not going to let him have Charlie back. (I'm trying to write this, half lying down, so it looks awful, but hope you can read it anyway!).
Well, I guess that's all my news for now. Hope everything's okay with you. Be sure and write, and let me know. I'm going to get me an apartment as soon as possible, so I'll have a place to go on the weekends. And I'll nave it all fixed up by this summer when you come down. I love you honey. Be sure and write.
Love,
Mother
~~~
2/25/80, Houston, Texas
Sunday
Dear Teresa,
Got your letter and since I'm not working today, thought I'd better write. I was supposed to be off yesterday too, but I worked so we could get the house and yard cleaned up real good. It's like raising a house full of kids, even though they're grown women. Have to stay on their case all the time.
This guy I know is working on my car this weekend. He's putting a new starter and carburetor in it. After I get some tires, and get my tailpipe fixed, it ought to be in good shape. So maybe after that, I can plan a trip up to see you over a weekend. We wouldn't have much time, but it beats nothing. I'll try to come up before school is out. Okay?
Yes, be sure and write David. He needs to know that we love him and miss him. I'm glad he's where he is though, and hope he stays there. I think it's good for him. I sure would like to see him though. It's been so long.
I've got my room all fixed up to suit me now that I got all of Pat's stuff packed and out of it. I'm the only one who has a room by myself. It looks real good now.
I finally got over my cold I had last weekend. I sure had felt bad.
I went to the Church of the Redeemer today. I just love that church. I'm going to start going every Sunday since I'm off on the weekends. It's been so long since I've really felt free enough to really serve God. There's always been some man in the picture to hold me back or I was messed up, and wouldn't go and be a hypocrite. I'm free at last, to do the things I've longed to do for so long.
We haven't had any snow down here, and this past week has been just like summertime. I hope it keeps it up.
Well honey, guess that's all my news. I'm still liking my job, and after I get my car paid off the 1st of March I ought to be able to save some money. I still plan on getting an apartment before you come down this summer. I ought to be able to save $600 a month starting in April. Be sweet and let me hear from you. I love you gobs!
Love,
Mother
~~~
This is the last letter you will write from the Dupont address and the job you say God led you to, the job you seem to like so much. You'll never explain why you left.
Dear Teresa,
Hadn't heard from you in a while, and I couldn't remember if I answered your last letter or not. I think I did, but I'm not sure. I usually try to do it as soon as I get yours. Anyway, I did write to David and got a letter back this past week. I'm so glad he answered, and that he hadn't left yet. From the way it sounds, he may stay there a while. I hope so. It sounds like a religious household which is what Sally and Dan were doing when I stayed with them years ago. A bunch of Christians (or several) live together and put all their earnings together to run the household. And there's a man who is head of the house and makes all the decisions. It is Biblical, and the Church of the Redeemer does it here in Houston on a lot bigger scale. They have a bunch of different households. They live like one big family. So maybe this is how God is answering my prayers for David because I've been praying that God would lead him to someone who could guide and direct him. So I for one am glad he's there. It will help him to make it later on. David's a whole lot like me, in that he's always had a big spiritual need, and yet he never could do anything halfway. He had to be all bad, or all good. He couldn't be a hypocrite. Which is good in a way. He'll find his balance some day.
I've really been sick this past week. That's why my writing is so bad. I've had a horrible cold and it's going down in my chest. Sally's mother is visiting her from Dallas so I couldn't go out there this weekend, so I just got me a motel room, so I could rest and have a little peace and quiet. I've been at the house for four months now and I really need the quiet. It's nice to go out to Sally's, but she does have three teenagers and a six year old and it's not ever quiet. So it's worth the money. I got me a bucket of chicken, and brought my books, and I'm just lying around reading and watching TV. I just hope I feel better next week.
Well, I've got Charlie now, and I'm going to keep him. Phil's drinking again and the people where he was staying made him leave, so he and Charlie had been living in the truck. So he called me one night last week, and he'd driven the durn truck off into a bayou, and the wrecker driver said if he'd gone 100 feet more he'd of drowned for sure. Anyway, they had Charlie in the truck when they towed it off, so I called them and asked them to keep him for me until the next morning. Then I went and got him and Toni is letting me keep him at the house. He's housebroken, and he stays up in my room during the day. But the poor little thing's hair was all matted up and so pitiful looking, so I took him and got him clipped. But Phil's still drunk and hasn't even missed the dog, and since he seems determined to kill himself, I'm not going to let him have Charlie back. (I'm trying to write this, half lying down, so it looks awful, but hope you can read it anyway!).
Well, I guess that's all my news for now. Hope everything's okay with you. Be sure and write, and let me know. I'm going to get me an apartment as soon as possible, so I'll have a place to go on the weekends. And I'll nave it all fixed up by this summer when you come down. I love you honey. Be sure and write.
Love,
Mother
~~~
2/25/80, Houston, Texas
Sunday
Dear Teresa,
Got your letter and since I'm not working today, thought I'd better write. I was supposed to be off yesterday too, but I worked so we could get the house and yard cleaned up real good. It's like raising a house full of kids, even though they're grown women. Have to stay on their case all the time.
This guy I know is working on my car this weekend. He's putting a new starter and carburetor in it. After I get some tires, and get my tailpipe fixed, it ought to be in good shape. So maybe after that, I can plan a trip up to see you over a weekend. We wouldn't have much time, but it beats nothing. I'll try to come up before school is out. Okay?
Yes, be sure and write David. He needs to know that we love him and miss him. I'm glad he's where he is though, and hope he stays there. I think it's good for him. I sure would like to see him though. It's been so long.
I've got my room all fixed up to suit me now that I got all of Pat's stuff packed and out of it. I'm the only one who has a room by myself. It looks real good now.
I finally got over my cold I had last weekend. I sure had felt bad.
I went to the Church of the Redeemer today. I just love that church. I'm going to start going every Sunday since I'm off on the weekends. It's been so long since I've really felt free enough to really serve God. There's always been some man in the picture to hold me back or I was messed up, and wouldn't go and be a hypocrite. I'm free at last, to do the things I've longed to do for so long.
We haven't had any snow down here, and this past week has been just like summertime. I hope it keeps it up.
Well honey, guess that's all my news. I'm still liking my job, and after I get my car paid off the 1st of March I ought to be able to save some money. I still plan on getting an apartment before you come down this summer. I ought to be able to save $600 a month starting in April. Be sweet and let me hear from you. I love you gobs!
Love,
Mother
~~~
This is the last letter you will write from the Dupont address and the job you say God led you to, the job you seem to like so much. You'll never explain why you left.
Conversations With the Dead: 2/4/80, Houston, Texas
Saturday
Dear Teresa,
Hi baby. Got your letter, but I've been so darn busy, you wouldn't believe! Besides all the normal stuff, we got some new girls in, and we're having an inspection Tuesday, so we've been trying to get everything cleaned up and ready (and we had the house exterminated too, and had to get everything out of the kitchen, etc.). And I've had a bunch of paperwork to catch up on. So this will be short, 'cause I'm having to work this weekend to get everything done. I'll be off Monday, and maybe one more day later in the week.
I go back to the doctor Monday to get the rest of my tests done. I don't have a spot on my thyroid or my lung. I think that doctor I went to before is nuts. This is a good doctor, and a good hospital, and it's free. It's a woman doctor and I like that too. So I feel a lot better about it.
I'm having to pack up all of Pat's stuff so I can move into her room and that's a full time job in itself. But I'm going to write David tonight, and hope he's still there. I sure hope he is, and will write me back.
Hope you're doing okay. I'm very proud of you, ya know. And I love you gobs too. Sorry this is short. Maybe I can do better next time.
Love ya,
Mother
~~~
It's funny, but the last part of this letter sounds like what you might say to me today, the "this is short" being our very brief time together. Eighteen years was all we had, yet it feels longer. Maybe we can both do better "next time". Or maybe we can both keep doing better right now. You are still here. I can feel you, like a ghost who isn't finished. Maybe my understanding of our eighteen years works as a midwife, delivering us both into a shared state of grace, a greater peace, the heaven you would finally describe as "a state of mind".
Dear Teresa,
Hi baby. Got your letter, but I've been so darn busy, you wouldn't believe! Besides all the normal stuff, we got some new girls in, and we're having an inspection Tuesday, so we've been trying to get everything cleaned up and ready (and we had the house exterminated too, and had to get everything out of the kitchen, etc.). And I've had a bunch of paperwork to catch up on. So this will be short, 'cause I'm having to work this weekend to get everything done. I'll be off Monday, and maybe one more day later in the week.
I go back to the doctor Monday to get the rest of my tests done. I don't have a spot on my thyroid or my lung. I think that doctor I went to before is nuts. This is a good doctor, and a good hospital, and it's free. It's a woman doctor and I like that too. So I feel a lot better about it.
I'm having to pack up all of Pat's stuff so I can move into her room and that's a full time job in itself. But I'm going to write David tonight, and hope he's still there. I sure hope he is, and will write me back.
Hope you're doing okay. I'm very proud of you, ya know. And I love you gobs too. Sorry this is short. Maybe I can do better next time.
Love ya,
Mother
~~~
It's funny, but the last part of this letter sounds like what you might say to me today, the "this is short" being our very brief time together. Eighteen years was all we had, yet it feels longer. Maybe we can both do better "next time". Or maybe we can both keep doing better right now. You are still here. I can feel you, like a ghost who isn't finished. Maybe my understanding of our eighteen years works as a midwife, delivering us both into a shared state of grace, a greater peace, the heaven you would finally describe as "a state of mind".
Conversations With the Dead: 1/24/80 Houston, Texas
Tuesday
Dear Teresa,
Got your letter and thought I'd write while I wasn't too busy because after today I will be! Pat took off for two weeks today and I'm not sure that she'll be back. Anyway, I'm now the manager (and I'll get a salary, too) for two weeks or forever, I don't know which. But I can use the extra money. I love Pat, and I really hope she comes back, for her sake, but I have a feeling she won't. God seems determined to have me manage this house so I guess I'd better give in. And it does pay $6,000 a year, and with my checks, I'd be making about $10,000 a year. So, we'll see.
Yes, I love Charlotte, but I have never understood her. But in the future I just won't put myself in a position to be put down. If I come, I'll come in my car, and will probably just go by for a few minutes. I suppose she can't help how she feels, but until she gets over it, I really don't need it. She doesn't believe that I really care, and I don't feel like trying to convince her. She'll get over it some day. In the meantime, I'll keep on getting better.
I'm happy that you're proud of me, but it really is God, not me. I'd have been down for the count a long time ago if He hadn't of helped me. But I really believe I'm on my way this time. I''m different somehow. I can't explain it, but I am. When ever I do leave here, I may try to get a job as an apartment manager of a complex. They furnish your apartment free, and pay a small salary. But that's a little far off to worry about. Just thinking about a few things that I might do. I'm still doing it a day at a time. And I've been sober three months now.
I need you to get David's last address from your daddy and send it to me. He may have already left but I want to write him anyway, if I can. And do me another favor. Call Blanche for me (451-0794) and tell her I'd already mailed her letter before I got the manager job so you can tell her for me. She's been real sweet, and she's proud of me too (makes me feel good, anyway). She and I were close, when I was young. She can tell you a lot about when I was a child. She remembers more than I do about it.
Well honey, I guess that's all for now. Have to get ready for a meeting. Keep up the good work, and congratulations on "handling men", ha.
Love,
Mother
~~~
I'm not sure how much $10,000 was over thirty years ago, but it reads like $1,000,000 in your handwriting. I can feel your pride, though your comment about your Aunt Blanche being proud made me sad, your voice blushing like a little girl who needs the approval of the world.
Charlotte is difficult to understand. She is a warrior at heart. She will fight for you, but if you cross her, or if she perceives even the slightest betrayal, she will excommunicate you from her kingdom. All these years later, her kingdom has shriveled and her heart is broken. Her heart is sick, weakened literally with thickened walls; they call this cardiomyopathy. She was only trying to protect herself, but walls are walls - they shut out the harm, but they also shut out the good. She struggles to forgive, to let things go.
In 1994 she will try to save another alcoholic, and to me she will write of this familiar pain:
"How many years did we struggle in vain with mom? We thought if we helped her, maybe if we loved her more... Perhaps if we punished her for some of the things she did by not speaking to her it would be a deterrent. Nothing helped. No one can do it but them. It seems no matter how far away we get, or how much we learn, our family and unfinished business keeps finding us."
Before you leave us for good she will forgive you enough to come back into your life for a while. And before she leaves this world she will have forgiven you completely. Somehow, I think you will sense this breath of forgiveness from wherever you are; maybe you will no longer need it, but she will.
You say I should credit God rather than you, that if He hadn't helped you'd be "down for the count" a long time ago. So you are saying that when you do good, it is God, and when you do bad, it is only a speck called Beverly. No wonder you have low self-esteem. And no wonder you fall so easily; there is always someone else to count on since you are too "weak".
What I would tell you now if you were here, is that you deserve all the credit for where you are. You got yourself help, earned the position of manager, and you have changed because deep down you can feel a sense of accomplishment, despite crediting a fairy tale vapor, but you are afraid of the weight of it all, the responsibility of being you. I would tell you that this is what we all live for, the feeling of movement, of knowing deep down that we worked hard to earn what makes us proud. You are not small and weak. You were never small or weak. You were just afraid. We are all afraid. It takes courage to move when we are afraid. It takes courage to accept that we move our own feet, choose our own paths, and engage whatever consequences on our own. That rush of freedom is what we live for, feeling our wings, surveying all we overcame of the world below.
You chose to fly again.
Dear Teresa,
Got your letter and thought I'd write while I wasn't too busy because after today I will be! Pat took off for two weeks today and I'm not sure that she'll be back. Anyway, I'm now the manager (and I'll get a salary, too) for two weeks or forever, I don't know which. But I can use the extra money. I love Pat, and I really hope she comes back, for her sake, but I have a feeling she won't. God seems determined to have me manage this house so I guess I'd better give in. And it does pay $6,000 a year, and with my checks, I'd be making about $10,000 a year. So, we'll see.
Yes, I love Charlotte, but I have never understood her. But in the future I just won't put myself in a position to be put down. If I come, I'll come in my car, and will probably just go by for a few minutes. I suppose she can't help how she feels, but until she gets over it, I really don't need it. She doesn't believe that I really care, and I don't feel like trying to convince her. She'll get over it some day. In the meantime, I'll keep on getting better.
I'm happy that you're proud of me, but it really is God, not me. I'd have been down for the count a long time ago if He hadn't of helped me. But I really believe I'm on my way this time. I''m different somehow. I can't explain it, but I am. When ever I do leave here, I may try to get a job as an apartment manager of a complex. They furnish your apartment free, and pay a small salary. But that's a little far off to worry about. Just thinking about a few things that I might do. I'm still doing it a day at a time. And I've been sober three months now.
I need you to get David's last address from your daddy and send it to me. He may have already left but I want to write him anyway, if I can. And do me another favor. Call Blanche for me (451-0794) and tell her I'd already mailed her letter before I got the manager job so you can tell her for me. She's been real sweet, and she's proud of me too (makes me feel good, anyway). She and I were close, when I was young. She can tell you a lot about when I was a child. She remembers more than I do about it.
Well honey, I guess that's all for now. Have to get ready for a meeting. Keep up the good work, and congratulations on "handling men", ha.
Love,
Mother
~~~
I'm not sure how much $10,000 was over thirty years ago, but it reads like $1,000,000 in your handwriting. I can feel your pride, though your comment about your Aunt Blanche being proud made me sad, your voice blushing like a little girl who needs the approval of the world.
Charlotte is difficult to understand. She is a warrior at heart. She will fight for you, but if you cross her, or if she perceives even the slightest betrayal, she will excommunicate you from her kingdom. All these years later, her kingdom has shriveled and her heart is broken. Her heart is sick, weakened literally with thickened walls; they call this cardiomyopathy. She was only trying to protect herself, but walls are walls - they shut out the harm, but they also shut out the good. She struggles to forgive, to let things go.
In 1994 she will try to save another alcoholic, and to me she will write of this familiar pain:
"How many years did we struggle in vain with mom? We thought if we helped her, maybe if we loved her more... Perhaps if we punished her for some of the things she did by not speaking to her it would be a deterrent. Nothing helped. No one can do it but them. It seems no matter how far away we get, or how much we learn, our family and unfinished business keeps finding us."
Before you leave us for good she will forgive you enough to come back into your life for a while. And before she leaves this world she will have forgiven you completely. Somehow, I think you will sense this breath of forgiveness from wherever you are; maybe you will no longer need it, but she will.
You say I should credit God rather than you, that if He hadn't helped you'd be "down for the count" a long time ago. So you are saying that when you do good, it is God, and when you do bad, it is only a speck called Beverly. No wonder you have low self-esteem. And no wonder you fall so easily; there is always someone else to count on since you are too "weak".
What I would tell you now if you were here, is that you deserve all the credit for where you are. You got yourself help, earned the position of manager, and you have changed because deep down you can feel a sense of accomplishment, despite crediting a fairy tale vapor, but you are afraid of the weight of it all, the responsibility of being you. I would tell you that this is what we all live for, the feeling of movement, of knowing deep down that we worked hard to earn what makes us proud. You are not small and weak. You were never small or weak. You were just afraid. We are all afraid. It takes courage to move when we are afraid. It takes courage to accept that we move our own feet, choose our own paths, and engage whatever consequences on our own. That rush of freedom is what we live for, feeling our wings, surveying all we overcame of the world below.
You chose to fly again.
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