Sunday
Dear Teresa,
Hadn't heard from you in a while, and I couldn't remember if I answered your last letter or not. I think I did, but I'm not sure. I usually try to do it as soon as I get yours. Anyway, I did write to David and got a letter back this past week. I'm so glad he answered, and that he hadn't left yet. From the way it sounds, he may stay there a while. I hope so. It sounds like a religious household which is what Sally and Dan were doing when I stayed with them years ago. A bunch of Christians (or several) live together and put all their earnings together to run the household. And there's a man who is head of the house and makes all the decisions. It is Biblical, and the Church of the Redeemer does it here in Houston on a lot bigger scale. They have a bunch of different households. They live like one big family. So maybe this is how God is answering my prayers for David because I've been praying that God would lead him to someone who could guide and direct him. So I for one am glad he's there. It will help him to make it later on. David's a whole lot like me, in that he's always had a big spiritual need, and yet he never could do anything halfway. He had to be all bad, or all good. He couldn't be a hypocrite. Which is good in a way. He'll find his balance some day.
I've really been sick this past week. That's why my writing is so bad. I've had a horrible cold and it's going down in my chest. Sally's mother is visiting her from Dallas so I couldn't go out there this weekend, so I just got me a motel room, so I could rest and have a little peace and quiet. I've been at the house for four months now and I really need the quiet. It's nice to go out to Sally's, but she does have three teenagers and a six year old and it's not ever quiet. So it's worth the money. I got me a bucket of chicken, and brought my books, and I'm just lying around reading and watching TV. I just hope I feel better next week.
Well, I've got Charlie now, and I'm going to keep him. Phil's drinking again and the people where he was staying made him leave, so he and Charlie had been living in the truck. So he called me one night last week, and he'd driven the durn truck off into a bayou, and the wrecker driver said if he'd gone 100 feet more he'd of drowned for sure. Anyway, they had Charlie in the truck when they towed it off, so I called them and asked them to keep him for me until the next morning. Then I went and got him and Toni is letting me keep him at the house. He's housebroken, and he stays up in my room during the day. But the poor little thing's hair was all matted up and so pitiful looking, so I took him and got him clipped. But Phil's still drunk and hasn't even missed the dog, and since he seems determined to kill himself, I'm not going to let him have Charlie back. (I'm trying to write this, half lying down, so it looks awful, but hope you can read it anyway!).
Well, I guess that's all my news for now. Hope everything's okay with you. Be sure and write, and let me know. I'm going to get me an apartment as soon as possible, so I'll have a place to go on the weekends. And I'll nave it all fixed up by this summer when you come down. I love you honey. Be sure and write.
Love,
Mother
~~~
2/25/80, Houston, Texas
Sunday
Dear Teresa,
Got your letter and since I'm not working today, thought I'd better write. I was supposed to be off yesterday too, but I worked so we could get the house and yard cleaned up real good. It's like raising a house full of kids, even though they're grown women. Have to stay on their case all the time.
This guy I know is working on my car this weekend. He's putting a new starter and carburetor in it. After I get some tires, and get my tailpipe fixed, it ought to be in good shape. So maybe after that, I can plan a trip up to see you over a weekend. We wouldn't have much time, but it beats nothing. I'll try to come up before school is out. Okay?
Yes, be sure and write David. He needs to know that we love him and miss him. I'm glad he's where he is though, and hope he stays there. I think it's good for him. I sure would like to see him though. It's been so long.
I've got my room all fixed up to suit me now that I got all of Pat's stuff packed and out of it. I'm the only one who has a room by myself. It looks real good now.
I finally got over my cold I had last weekend. I sure had felt bad.
I went to the Church of the Redeemer today. I just love that church. I'm going to start going every Sunday since I'm off on the weekends. It's been so long since I've really felt free enough to really serve God. There's always been some man in the picture to hold me back or I was messed up, and wouldn't go and be a hypocrite. I'm free at last, to do the things I've longed to do for so long.
We haven't had any snow down here, and this past week has been just like summertime. I hope it keeps it up.
Well honey, guess that's all my news. I'm still liking my job, and after I get my car paid off the 1st of March I ought to be able to save some money. I still plan on getting an apartment before you come down this summer. I ought to be able to save $600 a month starting in April. Be sweet and let me hear from you. I love you gobs!
Love,
Mother
~~~
This is the last letter you will write from the Dupont address and the job you say God led you to, the job you seem to like so much. You'll never explain why you left.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Conversations With the Dead: 2/4/80, Houston, Texas
Saturday
Dear Teresa,
Hi baby. Got your letter, but I've been so darn busy, you wouldn't believe! Besides all the normal stuff, we got some new girls in, and we're having an inspection Tuesday, so we've been trying to get everything cleaned up and ready (and we had the house exterminated too, and had to get everything out of the kitchen, etc.). And I've had a bunch of paperwork to catch up on. So this will be short, 'cause I'm having to work this weekend to get everything done. I'll be off Monday, and maybe one more day later in the week.
I go back to the doctor Monday to get the rest of my tests done. I don't have a spot on my thyroid or my lung. I think that doctor I went to before is nuts. This is a good doctor, and a good hospital, and it's free. It's a woman doctor and I like that too. So I feel a lot better about it.
I'm having to pack up all of Pat's stuff so I can move into her room and that's a full time job in itself. But I'm going to write David tonight, and hope he's still there. I sure hope he is, and will write me back.
Hope you're doing okay. I'm very proud of you, ya know. And I love you gobs too. Sorry this is short. Maybe I can do better next time.
Love ya,
Mother
~~~
It's funny, but the last part of this letter sounds like what you might say to me today, the "this is short" being our very brief time together. Eighteen years was all we had, yet it feels longer. Maybe we can both do better "next time". Or maybe we can both keep doing better right now. You are still here. I can feel you, like a ghost who isn't finished. Maybe my understanding of our eighteen years works as a midwife, delivering us both into a shared state of grace, a greater peace, the heaven you would finally describe as "a state of mind".
Dear Teresa,
Hi baby. Got your letter, but I've been so darn busy, you wouldn't believe! Besides all the normal stuff, we got some new girls in, and we're having an inspection Tuesday, so we've been trying to get everything cleaned up and ready (and we had the house exterminated too, and had to get everything out of the kitchen, etc.). And I've had a bunch of paperwork to catch up on. So this will be short, 'cause I'm having to work this weekend to get everything done. I'll be off Monday, and maybe one more day later in the week.
I go back to the doctor Monday to get the rest of my tests done. I don't have a spot on my thyroid or my lung. I think that doctor I went to before is nuts. This is a good doctor, and a good hospital, and it's free. It's a woman doctor and I like that too. So I feel a lot better about it.
I'm having to pack up all of Pat's stuff so I can move into her room and that's a full time job in itself. But I'm going to write David tonight, and hope he's still there. I sure hope he is, and will write me back.
Hope you're doing okay. I'm very proud of you, ya know. And I love you gobs too. Sorry this is short. Maybe I can do better next time.
Love ya,
Mother
~~~
It's funny, but the last part of this letter sounds like what you might say to me today, the "this is short" being our very brief time together. Eighteen years was all we had, yet it feels longer. Maybe we can both do better "next time". Or maybe we can both keep doing better right now. You are still here. I can feel you, like a ghost who isn't finished. Maybe my understanding of our eighteen years works as a midwife, delivering us both into a shared state of grace, a greater peace, the heaven you would finally describe as "a state of mind".
Conversations With the Dead: 1/24/80 Houston, Texas
Tuesday
Dear Teresa,
Got your letter and thought I'd write while I wasn't too busy because after today I will be! Pat took off for two weeks today and I'm not sure that she'll be back. Anyway, I'm now the manager (and I'll get a salary, too) for two weeks or forever, I don't know which. But I can use the extra money. I love Pat, and I really hope she comes back, for her sake, but I have a feeling she won't. God seems determined to have me manage this house so I guess I'd better give in. And it does pay $6,000 a year, and with my checks, I'd be making about $10,000 a year. So, we'll see.
Yes, I love Charlotte, but I have never understood her. But in the future I just won't put myself in a position to be put down. If I come, I'll come in my car, and will probably just go by for a few minutes. I suppose she can't help how she feels, but until she gets over it, I really don't need it. She doesn't believe that I really care, and I don't feel like trying to convince her. She'll get over it some day. In the meantime, I'll keep on getting better.
I'm happy that you're proud of me, but it really is God, not me. I'd have been down for the count a long time ago if He hadn't of helped me. But I really believe I'm on my way this time. I''m different somehow. I can't explain it, but I am. When ever I do leave here, I may try to get a job as an apartment manager of a complex. They furnish your apartment free, and pay a small salary. But that's a little far off to worry about. Just thinking about a few things that I might do. I'm still doing it a day at a time. And I've been sober three months now.
I need you to get David's last address from your daddy and send it to me. He may have already left but I want to write him anyway, if I can. And do me another favor. Call Blanche for me (451-0794) and tell her I'd already mailed her letter before I got the manager job so you can tell her for me. She's been real sweet, and she's proud of me too (makes me feel good, anyway). She and I were close, when I was young. She can tell you a lot about when I was a child. She remembers more than I do about it.
Well honey, I guess that's all for now. Have to get ready for a meeting. Keep up the good work, and congratulations on "handling men", ha.
Love,
Mother
~~~
I'm not sure how much $10,000 was over thirty years ago, but it reads like $1,000,000 in your handwriting. I can feel your pride, though your comment about your Aunt Blanche being proud made me sad, your voice blushing like a little girl who needs the approval of the world.
Charlotte is difficult to understand. She is a warrior at heart. She will fight for you, but if you cross her, or if she perceives even the slightest betrayal, she will excommunicate you from her kingdom. All these years later, her kingdom has shriveled and her heart is broken. Her heart is sick, weakened literally with thickened walls; they call this cardiomyopathy. She was only trying to protect herself, but walls are walls - they shut out the harm, but they also shut out the good. She struggles to forgive, to let things go.
In 1994 she will try to save another alcoholic, and to me she will write of this familiar pain:
"How many years did we struggle in vain with mom? We thought if we helped her, maybe if we loved her more... Perhaps if we punished her for some of the things she did by not speaking to her it would be a deterrent. Nothing helped. No one can do it but them. It seems no matter how far away we get, or how much we learn, our family and unfinished business keeps finding us."
Before you leave us for good she will forgive you enough to come back into your life for a while. And before she leaves this world she will have forgiven you completely. Somehow, I think you will sense this breath of forgiveness from wherever you are; maybe you will no longer need it, but she will.
You say I should credit God rather than you, that if He hadn't helped you'd be "down for the count" a long time ago. So you are saying that when you do good, it is God, and when you do bad, it is only a speck called Beverly. No wonder you have low self-esteem. And no wonder you fall so easily; there is always someone else to count on since you are too "weak".
What I would tell you now if you were here, is that you deserve all the credit for where you are. You got yourself help, earned the position of manager, and you have changed because deep down you can feel a sense of accomplishment, despite crediting a fairy tale vapor, but you are afraid of the weight of it all, the responsibility of being you. I would tell you that this is what we all live for, the feeling of movement, of knowing deep down that we worked hard to earn what makes us proud. You are not small and weak. You were never small or weak. You were just afraid. We are all afraid. It takes courage to move when we are afraid. It takes courage to accept that we move our own feet, choose our own paths, and engage whatever consequences on our own. That rush of freedom is what we live for, feeling our wings, surveying all we overcame of the world below.
You chose to fly again.
Dear Teresa,
Got your letter and thought I'd write while I wasn't too busy because after today I will be! Pat took off for two weeks today and I'm not sure that she'll be back. Anyway, I'm now the manager (and I'll get a salary, too) for two weeks or forever, I don't know which. But I can use the extra money. I love Pat, and I really hope she comes back, for her sake, but I have a feeling she won't. God seems determined to have me manage this house so I guess I'd better give in. And it does pay $6,000 a year, and with my checks, I'd be making about $10,000 a year. So, we'll see.
Yes, I love Charlotte, but I have never understood her. But in the future I just won't put myself in a position to be put down. If I come, I'll come in my car, and will probably just go by for a few minutes. I suppose she can't help how she feels, but until she gets over it, I really don't need it. She doesn't believe that I really care, and I don't feel like trying to convince her. She'll get over it some day. In the meantime, I'll keep on getting better.
I'm happy that you're proud of me, but it really is God, not me. I'd have been down for the count a long time ago if He hadn't of helped me. But I really believe I'm on my way this time. I''m different somehow. I can't explain it, but I am. When ever I do leave here, I may try to get a job as an apartment manager of a complex. They furnish your apartment free, and pay a small salary. But that's a little far off to worry about. Just thinking about a few things that I might do. I'm still doing it a day at a time. And I've been sober three months now.
I need you to get David's last address from your daddy and send it to me. He may have already left but I want to write him anyway, if I can. And do me another favor. Call Blanche for me (451-0794) and tell her I'd already mailed her letter before I got the manager job so you can tell her for me. She's been real sweet, and she's proud of me too (makes me feel good, anyway). She and I were close, when I was young. She can tell you a lot about when I was a child. She remembers more than I do about it.
Well honey, I guess that's all for now. Have to get ready for a meeting. Keep up the good work, and congratulations on "handling men", ha.
Love,
Mother
~~~
I'm not sure how much $10,000 was over thirty years ago, but it reads like $1,000,000 in your handwriting. I can feel your pride, though your comment about your Aunt Blanche being proud made me sad, your voice blushing like a little girl who needs the approval of the world.
Charlotte is difficult to understand. She is a warrior at heart. She will fight for you, but if you cross her, or if she perceives even the slightest betrayal, she will excommunicate you from her kingdom. All these years later, her kingdom has shriveled and her heart is broken. Her heart is sick, weakened literally with thickened walls; they call this cardiomyopathy. She was only trying to protect herself, but walls are walls - they shut out the harm, but they also shut out the good. She struggles to forgive, to let things go.
In 1994 she will try to save another alcoholic, and to me she will write of this familiar pain:
"How many years did we struggle in vain with mom? We thought if we helped her, maybe if we loved her more... Perhaps if we punished her for some of the things she did by not speaking to her it would be a deterrent. Nothing helped. No one can do it but them. It seems no matter how far away we get, or how much we learn, our family and unfinished business keeps finding us."
Before you leave us for good she will forgive you enough to come back into your life for a while. And before she leaves this world she will have forgiven you completely. Somehow, I think you will sense this breath of forgiveness from wherever you are; maybe you will no longer need it, but she will.
You say I should credit God rather than you, that if He hadn't helped you'd be "down for the count" a long time ago. So you are saying that when you do good, it is God, and when you do bad, it is only a speck called Beverly. No wonder you have low self-esteem. And no wonder you fall so easily; there is always someone else to count on since you are too "weak".
What I would tell you now if you were here, is that you deserve all the credit for where you are. You got yourself help, earned the position of manager, and you have changed because deep down you can feel a sense of accomplishment, despite crediting a fairy tale vapor, but you are afraid of the weight of it all, the responsibility of being you. I would tell you that this is what we all live for, the feeling of movement, of knowing deep down that we worked hard to earn what makes us proud. You are not small and weak. You were never small or weak. You were just afraid. We are all afraid. It takes courage to move when we are afraid. It takes courage to accept that we move our own feet, choose our own paths, and engage whatever consequences on our own. That rush of freedom is what we live for, feeling our wings, surveying all we overcame of the world below.
You chose to fly again.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Conversations With the Dead: 1/16/80 Houston, Texas
Tuesday
Dear Teresa,
How's your head? I felt so bad about bumping your head! I know it hurt. I'm so damn clumsy anymore.
It was good to see you honey, but I wish we could have had a chance to talk more. I always feel so uncomfortable when someone is always around that I can't really relax and be myself. Does it do you like that? Even if it's Charlotte and Mike. I guess it's because I feel that Charlotte is really resentful at me, and I can't relax much, too. I understand how she feels, but it still bothers me. But no matter who it is, I'd feel better if we could be alone more. But we will, this summer. I plan to come up there again before then, in the car. We'll get a motel room, and be able to get out and do some things. I want to discuss some things that we talked about while I was there. I'm very upset about what I heard. I really don't like it at all. But you and I need to talk about it alone, okay?
My plane ride back wasn't bad at all. I sat where I couldn't see out the window this time! Ha.
I'll be off Thursday and Friday, and I'm going out to Sally and Dan's. I have to get my Army ID renewed (so I can go to the base, etc.) and she's going to take me to get it finished. It's out by her house. And as soon as I get it I can go to get that physical I was supposed to get months ago. (They said I had a spot on my thyroid gland and on my lung). I can get it done free if I have my card. Slowly but surely I'm getting everything taken care of. I'm kind of proud of myself. And it's getting better all the time.
Well honey, I guess this is all for now. Wanted you to know I was home safe and sound. I love you very much, and please hang in there. And please when things bug you, tell me. It helps to get it off your chest. I'm forty years old and I'm just now finding out how helpful it is to talk about things that bother you. Write me soon.
Love you!
Mother
I guess it feels like the world conspiring against us right now - eyes everywhere, going through my mail to read your letters. I don't know why. It's almost over, though. Charlene will receive some devastating news, just the platform I need to get away.
Dear Teresa,
How's your head? I felt so bad about bumping your head! I know it hurt. I'm so damn clumsy anymore.
It was good to see you honey, but I wish we could have had a chance to talk more. I always feel so uncomfortable when someone is always around that I can't really relax and be myself. Does it do you like that? Even if it's Charlotte and Mike. I guess it's because I feel that Charlotte is really resentful at me, and I can't relax much, too. I understand how she feels, but it still bothers me. But no matter who it is, I'd feel better if we could be alone more. But we will, this summer. I plan to come up there again before then, in the car. We'll get a motel room, and be able to get out and do some things. I want to discuss some things that we talked about while I was there. I'm very upset about what I heard. I really don't like it at all. But you and I need to talk about it alone, okay?
My plane ride back wasn't bad at all. I sat where I couldn't see out the window this time! Ha.
I'll be off Thursday and Friday, and I'm going out to Sally and Dan's. I have to get my Army ID renewed (so I can go to the base, etc.) and she's going to take me to get it finished. It's out by her house. And as soon as I get it I can go to get that physical I was supposed to get months ago. (They said I had a spot on my thyroid gland and on my lung). I can get it done free if I have my card. Slowly but surely I'm getting everything taken care of. I'm kind of proud of myself. And it's getting better all the time.
Well honey, I guess this is all for now. Wanted you to know I was home safe and sound. I love you very much, and please hang in there. And please when things bug you, tell me. It helps to get it off your chest. I'm forty years old and I'm just now finding out how helpful it is to talk about things that bother you. Write me soon.
Love you!
Mother
I guess it feels like the world conspiring against us right now - eyes everywhere, going through my mail to read your letters. I don't know why. It's almost over, though. Charlene will receive some devastating news, just the platform I need to get away.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Conversation With the Dead: 1/7/80 Houston, Texas
Dear Teresa,
You are an absolute nut! I just love your drawings! I showed them to everyone and it just cracked them up.
I did write Nanny and Windy after Xmas and thanked her. I don't know if she'll write back or not, but it's okay if she doesn't.
Glad you had such a good Xmas. I'm happy for you. And real glad you got to go to Charlotte's. I sure wish I could see all of you. I'm working on something now, and if it works out I may get up there next Sunday. So tell Pat and Charlene, and keep Sunday free. I'm pretty sure I can arrange it, but I won't know for sure until tomorrow when Pat gets back from her days off. I'll just have that one day, but it sure beats nothing! I'll call you and let you know for sure next Saturday. If you're not there, I'll tell Charlene. Okay? I'll have to come back Sunday night but we'll have most of the day. I bought me a car the other day (a '72 Chevy) but I'm not going to try and drive it up there this time. And I'll have it paid off in March so by April, I ought to be able to drive up there for a few days. (I won't have enough money to come until April). I just don't want to chance driving up there, until I drive it a little more. And it's such a long drive. If I get to come, I'll take a plane. It just takes thirty minutes to get there, and I can get Blanche to pick me up. I've never ridden a plane before! I hope I don't die of fright! So keep Sunday open, and I'll call Saturday morning and let you know for sure.
Charlie doesn't have heart worms anymore. We finally got rid of them. I sure miss the little stinker. I've been here two and a half months now. I sure do like it though. But by next summer I may move back to Fort Worth, so I can be close to you all. We'll see. At any rate, we'll have our month together this summer. So don't worry about that.
What did you mean about Jennifer giving your daddy a hard time? Does he get to see her often?
Guess what happened two days after I got the car? I had a wreck! This damn Mexican ran out in front of me trying to cross a four lane street in one whack, and I threw on my breaks and swerved to the right, but there wasn't any way I could keep from hitting him. Anyway, it didn't even hurt my car, except for a little scratch on the left front fender, but it just tore his car all to hell! Busted his radiator and everything. He had to be towed off. That cop said he thought "somebody up there likes you". Isn't that something? But now I'll have to get liability insurance, which I wasn't going to bother with, but that's okay. I'm just grateful my car wasn't torn up.
Well honey, I guess this is all for now. I sure hope I can work something out with Pat. But I'm pretty sure I can. So hopefully I'll see you next Sunday. I love you gobs and gobs and GOBS!
Love,
Mother
Jennifer, my half sister from Dad's marriage to Patty. I haven't seen her in twenty-two years now.
I don't know what sort of "hard time" I was referring to, but I know she stopped wanting to see Dad and it broke his heart. He just doesn't know how to reach out, connect. It's awkward and I'm sure Jennifer felt it, even though she's only five. Children have keen antennae.
There is a torn-off scrap of paper in this letter. Charlene had been reading your letters without my knowledge. Somehow I found out and left her a little note, "Stop reading my letters, you bitch!"
See you soon, Mom.
You are an absolute nut! I just love your drawings! I showed them to everyone and it just cracked them up.
I did write Nanny and Windy after Xmas and thanked her. I don't know if she'll write back or not, but it's okay if she doesn't.
Glad you had such a good Xmas. I'm happy for you. And real glad you got to go to Charlotte's. I sure wish I could see all of you. I'm working on something now, and if it works out I may get up there next Sunday. So tell Pat and Charlene, and keep Sunday free. I'm pretty sure I can arrange it, but I won't know for sure until tomorrow when Pat gets back from her days off. I'll just have that one day, but it sure beats nothing! I'll call you and let you know for sure next Saturday. If you're not there, I'll tell Charlene. Okay? I'll have to come back Sunday night but we'll have most of the day. I bought me a car the other day (a '72 Chevy) but I'm not going to try and drive it up there this time. And I'll have it paid off in March so by April, I ought to be able to drive up there for a few days. (I won't have enough money to come until April). I just don't want to chance driving up there, until I drive it a little more. And it's such a long drive. If I get to come, I'll take a plane. It just takes thirty minutes to get there, and I can get Blanche to pick me up. I've never ridden a plane before! I hope I don't die of fright! So keep Sunday open, and I'll call Saturday morning and let you know for sure.
Charlie doesn't have heart worms anymore. We finally got rid of them. I sure miss the little stinker. I've been here two and a half months now. I sure do like it though. But by next summer I may move back to Fort Worth, so I can be close to you all. We'll see. At any rate, we'll have our month together this summer. So don't worry about that.
What did you mean about Jennifer giving your daddy a hard time? Does he get to see her often?
Guess what happened two days after I got the car? I had a wreck! This damn Mexican ran out in front of me trying to cross a four lane street in one whack, and I threw on my breaks and swerved to the right, but there wasn't any way I could keep from hitting him. Anyway, it didn't even hurt my car, except for a little scratch on the left front fender, but it just tore his car all to hell! Busted his radiator and everything. He had to be towed off. That cop said he thought "somebody up there likes you". Isn't that something? But now I'll have to get liability insurance, which I wasn't going to bother with, but that's okay. I'm just grateful my car wasn't torn up.
Well honey, I guess this is all for now. I sure hope I can work something out with Pat. But I'm pretty sure I can. So hopefully I'll see you next Sunday. I love you gobs and gobs and GOBS!
Love,
Mother
Jennifer, my half sister from Dad's marriage to Patty. I haven't seen her in twenty-two years now.
I don't know what sort of "hard time" I was referring to, but I know she stopped wanting to see Dad and it broke his heart. He just doesn't know how to reach out, connect. It's awkward and I'm sure Jennifer felt it, even though she's only five. Children have keen antennae.
There is a torn-off scrap of paper in this letter. Charlene had been reading your letters without my knowledge. Somehow I found out and left her a little note, "Stop reading my letters, you bitch!"
See you soon, Mom.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Conversations With the Dead: 12/31/79 Houston, Texas
Dear Teresa,
Got your letter this morning and I hope you had a good Xmas and that you got everything you wanted. And I'm glad you're going to go over to Charlotte's. It's good for you all to be able to be together. You need that, and she does too. She was like a second mother to you, when you were a baby. And with David gone, you all need to be together, to keep a sense of family. Seems like we're spread out all over the place. and even if Charlotte is grown and married, she needs family too. I think that's why she goes to Nanny's a lot. and you don't take a guild trip from anyone. You're always thinking of other people, and it's about time you thought of Teresa. And I mean that. Don't you ever feel guilty about a damn thing!
I sure wish I could get David's address. Tell your daddy to be sure and let me have it, when he gets it. I sure would like to hear from him. It's been so long.
Your poor daddy! Seems like he just can't win, doesn't it. I'm just glad he wasn't hurt. That's something anyway.
You'll never guess who I got a letter from. Betty! I nearly fainted. She never writes letters. But I had written her, and I really didn't expect an answer, just wanted her to know I was doing okay. She was real glad that I'm here, and said she and Dorothy may come down to see me. I hope they can. And I hope to get my car real soon and I plan to come up there and see you as soon as I can. She said for you and me to be sure and come see her when I come up. So we will. and by this summer I'll have something figured out where we can spend our month together. So don't worry about it. But we'll get together before then, ad least over a weekend. And I can hardly wait! I miss you so. God will work it out for us. Just hang in there, okay?
Well honey, I guess this is all for now. Pat's been off sick for several days and I've been awful busy, but I still love working here. It's good for me. Pray that God will show me when the right time to leave comes. Tell Charlotte Hi, and write soon. I love you, very much.
Love,
Mother
~~~
I can't remember what I got for Christmas, unless it was the Christmas I got the stereo for which I paid half. Uncle Pat thought it would be a good lesson in working for the things I want. Can't argue, I guess.
I don't remember what I was guilt-tripping about but your words are applicable even now. I will go spend some time with Charlotte and she will call you to discuss my future. My life is about to change dramatically for the better.
I don't know where David is but we'll both see him soon.
I don't remember what happened to Dad. Maybe he wrecked his Mustang.
I'll pray, until many years later. I don't understand what prayer is except listening to your deepest self. For all the praying you did, you never learned to listen.
Got your letter this morning and I hope you had a good Xmas and that you got everything you wanted. And I'm glad you're going to go over to Charlotte's. It's good for you all to be able to be together. You need that, and she does too. She was like a second mother to you, when you were a baby. And with David gone, you all need to be together, to keep a sense of family. Seems like we're spread out all over the place. and even if Charlotte is grown and married, she needs family too. I think that's why she goes to Nanny's a lot. and you don't take a guild trip from anyone. You're always thinking of other people, and it's about time you thought of Teresa. And I mean that. Don't you ever feel guilty about a damn thing!
I sure wish I could get David's address. Tell your daddy to be sure and let me have it, when he gets it. I sure would like to hear from him. It's been so long.
Your poor daddy! Seems like he just can't win, doesn't it. I'm just glad he wasn't hurt. That's something anyway.
You'll never guess who I got a letter from. Betty! I nearly fainted. She never writes letters. But I had written her, and I really didn't expect an answer, just wanted her to know I was doing okay. She was real glad that I'm here, and said she and Dorothy may come down to see me. I hope they can. And I hope to get my car real soon and I plan to come up there and see you as soon as I can. She said for you and me to be sure and come see her when I come up. So we will. and by this summer I'll have something figured out where we can spend our month together. So don't worry about it. But we'll get together before then, ad least over a weekend. And I can hardly wait! I miss you so. God will work it out for us. Just hang in there, okay?
Well honey, I guess this is all for now. Pat's been off sick for several days and I've been awful busy, but I still love working here. It's good for me. Pray that God will show me when the right time to leave comes. Tell Charlotte Hi, and write soon. I love you, very much.
Love,
Mother
~~~
I can't remember what I got for Christmas, unless it was the Christmas I got the stereo for which I paid half. Uncle Pat thought it would be a good lesson in working for the things I want. Can't argue, I guess.
I don't remember what I was guilt-tripping about but your words are applicable even now. I will go spend some time with Charlotte and she will call you to discuss my future. My life is about to change dramatically for the better.
I don't know where David is but we'll both see him soon.
I don't remember what happened to Dad. Maybe he wrecked his Mustang.
I'll pray, until many years later. I don't understand what prayer is except listening to your deepest self. For all the praying you did, you never learned to listen.
Conversations With the Dead: 12/27/79 Houston, Texas
Dear Teresa,
Hope you had a wonderful Xmas. I sure did. We had a big Xmas dinner, and its so family-like here at the house. I wish I could have been there too, but since I couldn't this helped a lot to be here. But hopefully, I'll get my car the 1st and will be able to come up soon. I sure miss you. But I love working here. It's hectic, but I love working with the girls. And I even got an Xmas card and some money from Nanny. That was a surprise. I had sent her a card, but I really didn't expect to hear from her. And be sure and let me know what all you got for Xmas.
Phil's in the hospital. He was drinking and he drove off into a ditch full of water and almost drowned. He was in intensive care for a couple of days. Bless his heart. I hope he learns something from this. He damn near died. Pray for him. He's such a good person. I don't know if his truck is ruined or not. I got a girlfriend in AA to go get Charlie and take care of him until Phil gets out of the hospital.
Just keep on working on your algebra. You'll make it. And I hope you work at learning about homemaking. I didn't and I wish I had. I know you'll do good.
How's your daddy doing? Does he like his new car? I hope you understand honey, that you really are better off where you are. Your daddy does love you very much, but he has a lot of problems and he realized that you'd be better off at Charlene's. So don't ever be hurt at him. He did the best thing.
Well honey, I guess this is all for now. Write me, and let me know about your Xmas. I love you gobs.
Love,
Mother
~~~
It's sad about Phil, and that you had to spend Christmas in a halfway house. But at least you tasted "family", even if you couldn't be with your own. You're in a good place. I guess we're both in halfway houses.
You're right about dad doing what was best for me. It's just difficult to grasp when you're 14. Parents are supposed to have their shit together, at least one of them. He loves his Mustang, though, and plays Crystal Gayle, Neil Diamond, and Glen Campbell cassette tapes when he drives. He will soon marry "Hog Woman", but I will never once visit their house until 1989.
I'll pass algebra. You were right, I made it. Homemaking? Not so much, not back then at least. I couldn't even sew on a button! I'll figure it out though. We survive everything but death.
Hope you had a wonderful Xmas. I sure did. We had a big Xmas dinner, and its so family-like here at the house. I wish I could have been there too, but since I couldn't this helped a lot to be here. But hopefully, I'll get my car the 1st and will be able to come up soon. I sure miss you. But I love working here. It's hectic, but I love working with the girls. And I even got an Xmas card and some money from Nanny. That was a surprise. I had sent her a card, but I really didn't expect to hear from her. And be sure and let me know what all you got for Xmas.
Phil's in the hospital. He was drinking and he drove off into a ditch full of water and almost drowned. He was in intensive care for a couple of days. Bless his heart. I hope he learns something from this. He damn near died. Pray for him. He's such a good person. I don't know if his truck is ruined or not. I got a girlfriend in AA to go get Charlie and take care of him until Phil gets out of the hospital.
Just keep on working on your algebra. You'll make it. And I hope you work at learning about homemaking. I didn't and I wish I had. I know you'll do good.
How's your daddy doing? Does he like his new car? I hope you understand honey, that you really are better off where you are. Your daddy does love you very much, but he has a lot of problems and he realized that you'd be better off at Charlene's. So don't ever be hurt at him. He did the best thing.
Well honey, I guess this is all for now. Write me, and let me know about your Xmas. I love you gobs.
Love,
Mother
~~~
It's sad about Phil, and that you had to spend Christmas in a halfway house. But at least you tasted "family", even if you couldn't be with your own. You're in a good place. I guess we're both in halfway houses.
You're right about dad doing what was best for me. It's just difficult to grasp when you're 14. Parents are supposed to have their shit together, at least one of them. He loves his Mustang, though, and plays Crystal Gayle, Neil Diamond, and Glen Campbell cassette tapes when he drives. He will soon marry "Hog Woman", but I will never once visit their house until 1989.
I'll pass algebra. You were right, I made it. Homemaking? Not so much, not back then at least. I couldn't even sew on a button! I'll figure it out though. We survive everything but death.
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